In a speech made last night at the D.C. Correctional facility, the most conveniently located jail to Doctor-professor Jill Bide. The esteemed First Lady reminded inmates to view their time there as a learning experience and to use this beautiful government facility, “as an opportunity to prepare for their return to society”.
“Each one of you has to remember, you have so much value to share with this country she stated, “you are all as valuable as the moldy slices of bologna we proudly serve here”. The First Lady then proceeded to pretend to take a bite of a provided slice, making sure to chew in an over exaggerated fashion before ‘swallowing’ for effect and subtly dumping the slice into a nearby trash can.
Jill Biden has responded to questions regarding why she choose to dispose of the slice rather than slip it to a lucky inmate after her speech. To this she responded in a scholarly manor, “If I did that, I would have to surreptitiously slip everyone a moldy slice of bologna otherwise it wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the inmates. Not to mention, if I did that, then no-one would learn their lesson and we can’t have that can we”.
Bernie Sanders, Junior senator from Vermont has stated that the best way to handle this would have been for her to provide him the slice so that he could keep it for himself while demanding that the wealthiest inmates purchase slices for the rest of them.
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