Barre, VT - Benjamin Valentine a liberal gun owner decided to take matters in to his own hands early Monday morning to fight climate change. “Enough is enough!”, he shouted grabbing his ethically sourced and organic rifle! “The time to act is now, he roared as he charged out of his parents house and took aim at the sky!”
Valentine, age 43, represents a growing number of Americans growing increasingly concerned about climate change. However on this sunny morning Valentine had decided that to do his duty as a liberal, he would take the fight directly to the climate itself.
Crack! His first shot rang out, “a perfect hit” cried Valentine as his shot disappeared into the sun. His next target, a cloud that looked like it might bring climate change rain, Bang-Bang, two more shots straight into the cumuli Nimbus as he switched to fully-semiautomatic!
Feeling a cooling breeze coming from the north, Valentine worried that he had already done too much to cool the planet, so one last time he took aim at the oncoming winds, shouted, “how you like me now science deniers”, and emptied his magazine into the air, just above the local playground.
Mr. Valentine was arrested shortly after and is awaiting sentencing for public endangerment. Much to his chagrin it has been decided that do to the severity of his crime, he shall be tried as a Republican.
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