Police responded early this morning an emergency alarm from the American Presidency exhibit at the Natural History Museum. Upon reaching the site officers were met with Liz Cheney smashing Hank Aron’s baseball bat repeatedly against the barrier protecting Abe Lincoln’s famous Stovepipe hat.
Cheney who was successfully voted out of congress by the state of Wyoming, appears to have decided that she is the second coming of Lincoln and is destined to carry on his legacy. The hat, she informed the police was her birthright and would secure her victory in the upcoming 2024 election.
Cheney was taken peacefully, if not quietly after a brief standoff with the police. “You’ll see”, she yelled as she was escorted to the cruiser, “When I’m president I’ll sign an executive order that I get my hat!”
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